


i've been running from myself (afraid of what i'd find)

by softiesharpie



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Existential Crisis, F/F, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Self-Esteem Issues, Soft Ava Sharpe, Team as Family, cloning, don’t we all though?, gideon has a soft spot for ava, the whole team ships avalance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-27 12:20:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20045926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softiesharpie/pseuds/softiesharpie
Summary: It was almost funny how out of everything she could've fixated on, she was worrying about how she didn't have the proper qualifications to even work at the Time Bureau. That should've been the least of her concerns. But, it was easier to focus on smaller things like that. Easier than facing the plain and simple fact that her whole life was a lie.OrAva finds out she’s a clone differently than she does in canon and doesn’t know how to cope with it.





	1. but how am i supposed to love you when i don't love who i am?

**Author's Note:**

> This story is set somewhere before Sara and Ava get together but after they became friends. 
> 
> This first chapter is backstory on what will happen in the upcoming two chapters. It’s important to the story, but the next two chapters will include the Legends and, of course, Avalance. 
> 
> Please do not repost my stories anywhere.

Ava had one hell of a day. 

It started with her having to go to the Waverider early that morning to scold the Legends for messing up a mission. Admittedly, she was only being this strict towards them to look like a good agent in front of Director Hunter. She was actually starting to warm up to the Legends, realizing that they weren't just a group of idiots, but a family who just had a different way of solving problems than she did. 

After she'd finished yelling at the Legends, she'd taken a portal back to her office to do more work. She was easily bored at the amount of paperwork she had to read through. When she first got this job, she never thought that the majority of her work would be reading through paperwork and sending emails. She wasn't complaining, she loved her job, but it got to be a bit... uneventful. She envied the Legends for that, she wished that she could go on missions everyday like they did, that she had a team whom she could call her 'family'. 

Ava had never gotten along well with her family. She couldn't pinpoint why. She remembered her childhood to be filled with happy, pleasant memories of her with her parents but as she got older, things felt off with them. When she visited them, which hadn't been any time recently, things felt uneasy. Ava couldn't describe the feeling very well but she felt like her parents were almost too good to be true. They had a good house, with pictures of Ava all over the walls and the tables, practically anywhere they could put them, they had good jobs and they seemed to be perfect people. 

But, something wasn't right. Ava knew that but since she didn't understand it, she tried not to think about it too much or else she would start spiraling. 

Ava sighed as she closed a file she had been reading. Rip had given her the files earlier that day and then promptly left the office. She bit her lip, contemplating whether she should just put the files in her drawer for later or go to Rip's office and put them where they belonged. She quickly decided on the latter. She stood up and walked out of her office and to Rip's, going over to the file cabinet. 

She was one of his most trusted agents, so she was one of the few who had a key to his file cabinet. She pulled out said key and unlocked it, slowly opening up the drawer and depositing the files where they belonged. She was about to close the cabinet back when she saw something that made her still. It was her file... well, her files. She didn't know she had more than one. 

Her curiosity quickly replaced her hesitance in looking through Rip's things and she picked up the files. There were twelve, all marked with her name except there were numbers next to them. 

'Ava Sharpe Number One' 

'Ava Sharpe Number Two'

'Ava Sharpe Number Three'

'Ava Sharpe Number Four'

She could feel her heart racing as she reached the twelfth file that read 'Ava Sharpe Number Twelve'. Her curiosity, again, got the best of her and she sat down at Rip's desk, opening the first file and reading though it. She didn't know what she was reading. Her eyes zeroed in on the words 'Advanced Variant Automation' and on 'clone'. 

"What?" She mumbled, reading through the information, jarred to see a picture of a woman that looked identical to herself. 

'Ava Sharpe Number One

Abilities: Expert at hand to hand combat, photographic memory, great with leadership roles, programmed to follow orders without hesitation

Description: Tall, blonde, blue eyes, female

Notes: This is the first Ava Sharpe to work at the Time Bureau. It is a test run to see if the AVA clones will be beneficial to the Bureau.' 

She felt herself grow sick when she recognized the writing as Rip's. Her stomach dropped as she saw the last thing on the page that read,

'Lifespan: Four months

Cause of death: Shot in the heart with a gun from 2034, death was immediate'

"This doesn't make any sense." Is the first thing Ava said. "I'm a..." she trailed off, not being able to stop herself from looking at the second file, again being taken aback by the picture of a woman that looked so much like her. 

'Ava Sharpe Number Two

Abilities: Expert at hand to hand combat, photographic memory, great with leadership roles

Description: Tall, blonde, blue eyes, female

Note: I have concluded that the AVA clones will indeed be beneficial to the Time Bureau. I'm guessing that Ava Number One was killed because she lacked the ability to know when something was wrong, she blindly followed orders while lacking common sense, which led her to go into missions without thinking through it first.'

Ava didn't realize she was crying until her tears dripped onto the files, her vision blurring as a flurry of emotions went though her at once. She didn't know what to do with this information, she didn't know what to do at all. 

After she read the bottom of the page that said, 

'Lifespan: Four months and five days

Cause of death: Caught in an explosion and was unable to escape'

She decided that she couldn't read anymore. What did this all mean? 'I'm not real, that's what it means.' She thought bitterly to herself. 

She felt betrayed and confused, mainly. Rip had always been someone she looked up to, ever since she joined the Bureau. He was like a mentor to her and she wanted to become Director after him and be somewhat like him in that sense. So, for her to know that he kept this secret from her, about who she was as a person... or not person... was heartbreaking. 

As Ava felt her heart start to race and her tears start to fall more rapidly down her cheeks, she realized that she needed to leave. She couldn't be caught in Rip's office, especially not with his files. She stood up and wiped away her tears with her sleeve, not caring that she stained her expensive suit with her wet and runny mascara that was quickly getting ruined by her tears. She closed the cabinet and locked it, taking all of the files with her before she made a portal to her house and quickly stepped through it. 

As much as she wanted to take a minute to process this, the analytical part of her brain wanted as much information as the files provided before she came to a conclusion about what she would do about this. She absentmindedly walked to her bedroom, kicking off her heels and sliding her blazer off before she got into bed. She didn't bother to change into something more comfortable, wearing comfortable clothing was the least of her concerns at the moment. 

She stayed up all night, ignoring the distinct headache she got from skipping dinner and not sleeping, reading though the files. She'd read the first eleven files at least ten times each, saving the last one. She knew, logically, that it was hers. That she was the twelfth. That thought created a heavy weight on Ava's chest, she wasn't as unique as she thought. She wasn't one in a million, she was one of a million copies. There were twelve Ava's before her, and when she died another Ava would seamlessly take her place. 

Her mind immediately went to Sara then. Would Sara know if she was replaced? Now, she needed to know how old she was. She was desperate to know which memories were hers and which ones were the other AVA's. 

She opened the twelve file and held her breath as she read through it, 

'Ava Sharpe Number Twelve

Abilities: Expert at hand to hand combat, photographic memory, great with leadership roles, great with problem solving and staying calm during distressing situations

Description: Tall, blonde, blue eyes, female

Note: This Ava is different from the others. At first, I thought she would be just like them. I wanted her to be like them in the sense that she would be a good leader who could follow orders. But, she's different. I started noticing this days after she was activated. She has emotions, real emotions. I've seen her smile, even if only slightly, when she's proud of herself for something. I've seen her get stressed about missions, I've even seen her almost cry. The previous AVAs were not designed to feel. Not doubt, not excitement, and definitely not love. So, I don't have any idea how this Ava managed to feel this things. She went against her programming without knowing that she is a clone. I still don't understand it.'

At that, Ava slammed the file down on her bed and hopped out of bed, running into the bathroom. She threw up in the toilet, not being able to process all of this new information she knew about herself and her origin. This made no sense. She'd seen her fair share of crazy, unbelievable things in her profession. But, cloning? That didn't make sense. She remembered reading that the clones... and herself... were originally from the year 2213. 

So, not only is she a clone, she's a clone from nearly 200 years in the future who was taken and implanted false memories into against her will. Knowing that she had so little control of her own life, of herself as a person, made her sick to her stomach. 

Once she was done, slowly she stood up on wobbly legs and flushed the toilet. She forced herself to brush her teeth before she just looked at her reflection in the mirror. She used to think she was unique, that she was special. Now she thought she was anything but. There were thousands of people who looked like her, who had the same DNA as her. Nothing about her was uniquely hers. 

'Well, your emotions are.' The logical part of her brain pointed out. 

Yes, that was true. Out of all of the AVAs, she was the only one to have emotions and feelings, the only one who had some inkling of what it felt like to have free will. 

Ava couldn't think logically right now. She just wanted to use her memory flasher and forget all of this happened. 'That's against Time Bureau protocols' a voice in her head reminded her. 

'Fuck the Time Bureau.' She thought was a scoff, making her way back to her bed. She haphazardly stacked up the files and tossed them onto her dresser, needing to decide what she was going to do now. It was almost funny how out of everything she could've fixated on, she was worrying about how she didn't have the proper qualifications to even work at the Time Bureau. That should've been the least of her concerns. 

But, it was easier to focus on smaller things like that. Easier than facing the plain and simple fact that her whole life was a lie. She was only a few months old, she'd been activated a couple days before she met Sara. Activated. That word sent a whole other wave of nausea through her. She wasn't born, she didn't have parents, she was made in a lab. She was a lab experiment. 

She swallowed thickly, willing herself to not throw up again. She didn't think she could face the Bureau again, now that she knew the truth about herself. She needed to take a break, she decided. 

Maybe leaving the Bureau for awhile would give Ava the time to do some introspection and try to accept, or at least come to terms with, her origin. Another bout of anxiety rushed through her when she thought about Sara. She never would've expected this but she'd grown rather fond of the blonde captain over the last few weeks. At first, Sara and her team were just a thorn in Ava's side, a nuisance really. But, as time progressed, something changed. Ava started getting excited about going to the Waverider, feeling happy and giddy around Sara in a way she'd never felt before. 

She even giggled, for what she was sure was the first time, when Sara told a stupid joke a few days ago. Her heart, that she had been sure was hardened and cold, had started to thaw thanks to Sara. Friend wasn't an adequate word to describe them. Ava knew that she had feelings for Sara, and she was pretty sure that Sara felt the same way. She didn't know why she hadn't taken the first step, why she hadn't made the first move. 

'Well, now I definitely can't. She'd never want to be with me when she finds out I'm a... future clone thing.' Ava thought pitifully. 

She could feel herself start to spiral again so she took in a deep breath, forcing the onslaught of emotions she'd been feeling for the past ten hours to the back of her mind so that she wouldn't be an emotional wreck. She'd always prided herself on being able to put her emotions on the back burner, it had always been so effortless for her. Now it just made her angry. 

'Of course I can do it so easily... I wasn't even supposed to have emotions in the first place.' She thought. 

'Okay, stop. You have all day to cry. Right now, you need to make yourself look presentable and go let the Legends know that you're taking a leave of absence from the Bureau. You can cry afterwards.' The logical part of Ava's brain reminded her and she was grateful for that, glad she was able to stay somewhat levelheaded during this. 

"Clothes... I should change." She mumbled and did so, quickly buttoning up her white shirt before putting her blazer on. She had a headache from her lack of sleep so she didn't bother putting her usual tight bun in her hair. Instead, she put it into a ponytail at the back of her head. She put on flats instead of heels, again not feeling like getting dressed up for this. She went to the bathroom and wiped off excess makeup from the previous night, reapplying a thin layer to cover the bags under her eyes.

She slipped out of the bathroom and grabbed her time courier, putting it on her wrist, before she hesitated. Should she bring something else to keep her occupied just in case the Legends were currently busy? She thought that was a decent idea so she put the files into her briefcase and grabbed her phone before opening a portal to the Waverider and walking through it before she lost the little sliver of faux confidence she had left.


	2. and how can i give you all of me when i’m only half a (wo)man?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I couldn’t help myself from posting this chapter. It includes all of the Legends and Avalance, there’s more Avalance in the third chapter.

"Captain, Agent Sharpe has boarded the Waverider." 

Sara heard Gideon's voice echo through the room. She smiled, happy to see Ava after not having had a real conversation with her for a couple days, only brief conversations about work. She didn't want to admit it, but she was growing quite smitten with the taller blonde. Hate was a strong word, Sara never hated Ava. She just thought she was too uptight and bossy. As time passed, she started realizing that Ava had many more layers than that. 

They didn't talk about their personal lives much but when they did, Ava told her about her favourite books, about how she got her job at the Bureau, how she liked to ride bikes as a child but couldn't balance on one now. Even though Ava didn't go into detail about her family, Sara could tell that she wasn't close to them. She felt a bit of empathy for Ava, and maybe a little pity. Ava didn't have a family and the closest thing she had to friends were the Legends. Sara was pretty sure, if not positive, that Ava was attracted to women and solely women. So, she knew that logically that could be why Ava didn't get along with her family, maybe they were homophobic. 

Sara never forced Ava to talk about it, that seemed to be a silent agreement for the both of them. Ava knew Sara better than most people did. She'd read her file. She knew about her past, knew about the people she'd killed, the person she'd become after the Lazarus Pit. Sara felt exposed, like every time Ava looked at her, she could see right through her. She didn't understand it at first, why she felt this way around Ava. 

Maybe it was because she finally had someone that she didn't have to hide her past around, but she had that with the rest of the Legends so she didn't think it was that. Sara didn't like to fixate on that, she never liked to dwell on things, especially her feelings. She just took them for what they were. She was noticeably happier every time Ava came to the Waverider, she became a stuttering mess around the agent, which was rare for her anyways since flirting was as easy as breathing to Sara. Something about Ava was different than people Sara had been attracted to before. 

It was rare that anyone could match her in hand to hand combat, let alone almost beat her. It was also rare for someone to call Sara out when she was being irrational or making a bad decision. Ava wasn't afraid to tell Sara she was doing something wrong, or that she should approach a situation differently. At first, Sara thought that she and Ava were polar opposites. While, yes, they were very different, they also had a lot in common. They both were stubborn, independent women who didn't need saving. 

Something about Ava made Sara feel like she could open up about everything, open up about the nightmares she had nearly every night, open up about how much she missed Laurel, and how sometimes the pain of that loss was so intense that she felt like she was drowning in it. She felt like she could trust Ava was everything, and that she was a scary feeling for Sara, who was used to hiding her emotions and being strong all the time, whether it be so that she didn't have to deal with her emotions or that she felt like she had to be strong all the time because she had a team to lead and a ship to captain. There weren't many moments for her to dwell on her emotions. 

"Where is she, Gideon?" Sara asked, looking vaguely towards the ceiling as she stood up from where she was sitting on the table in the galley. 

"She's in the main control room, Captain. She seems to be in distress about something... her heart rate is elevated and she is dehydrated and sleep deprived. I scanned her vitals and it appears that she is feeling weak, physically and emotionally"

Sara frowned, that didn't sound like Ava. She'd seen Ava stressed before, or even frantic about a mission, but never upset or distressed. 

Ava always seemed perfect to Sara. She seemed like she had her life together. She was a great leader, she was excellent at combat, she always looked confident especially during stressful situations. She always was in control, she seemed like she had control of everything in her life. So, when Sara walked into the main room and saw Ava, the state of the agent almost made Sara gasp. 

Sara was an expert at reading body language, thanks to her time in the League and as a vigilante, so she could instantly tell that something was wrong with Ava. She remembered Gideon telling her that Ava's heart rate was elevated and that she wasn't feeling well, but Ava seemed to be holding it together well. 

"Captain Lance, um, can you call your team in here please? There's something I need to tell you all." Ava said quietly, her hands going behind her back in her default position, holding the handle of the briefcase tightly in her left hand. 

"Yeah... sure..." Sara furrowed her brows and looked up at the ceiling, "Gideon can—"

Gideon seemed to know what she meant and cut her off, "I have alerted the team, Captain, and they are currently on their way."

Ava sighed and leaned slightly against the control panel, the exhaustion finally catching up with her. When she heard footsteps, she looked up and saw the rest of the team— Nate, Ray, Mick, Zari, and Amaya— walk into the room. 

"This better be important." Mick grumbled, sitting down in a chair and sipping his beer, looking more than just a little displeased at having his sleep interrupted. 

Ava inhaled shakily, "this will only take a minute, I p-promise." Her voice cracked and she cleared her throat, trying to keep her emotions in check. "I, um, I..." She stumbled over her words, her briefcase seeming to feel heavier and heavier by the second. She took in a sharp breath and put the briefcase down on the floor to free her hands so that she could fiddle with them behind her back. 

"Um... Agent Shape? Is everything okay?" Ray asked, looking genuinely concerned when Ava stared blankly at the floor and didn't speak. Ava's gaze darted up to him, realizing that she'd zoned off. 

"Ava, what's going on?" Sara asked, starting to get worried. This didn't seem like Ava at all, and she wondered what had changed in the last forty eight hours. 

"I'm taking a break." Ava blurted out, blushing. She felt like this was the easy way out but she couldn't imagine going back to the Bureau right now, or anytime soon. 

"A break? From what?" Nate asked, looking as worried as Ray. 

Nate had actually started liking Ava more as she started coming over to the Waverider more frequently, and occasionally joined them for dinner. He quickly began to realize that she had a facade of false disinterest and irritation to distance herself from people. Whenever she was on the Waverider, that facade went away and she smiled, laughed, and even drank (lightly) with the Legends. She started fitting more and more in with them and the team could clearly see that Ava and Sara had feelings for each other. 

"From the Bureau. I'm... taking a leave of absence. I wanted you all to hear it from me first, I'm going to email Director Hunter," Ava's face contorted into a barely concealed scowl, "and tell him. Agent Gary Green will be taking my place until they find someone else to cover for me." She finished, her gaze now on anything but the Legends. 

"A wasn't aware you took breaks." Zari said dryly, though she was actually a bit worried about Ava. They could tell that something was off with her, something else she wasn't telling them. 

"I don't. Not usually. But... recently I've..." Ava paused, choosing her words wisely, "I need to focus more on myself, and not have my life revolve around the Bureau." She said, biting her lip. 

Sara frowned, she could tell that there was something Ava was hesitating to say. 

"Well, that's good! That you're taking care of yourself, I mean. You know, studies show that people who spend more time on themselves by having hobbies they enjoy generally tend to be happier people." Ray rambled with his signature puppy dog grin on his face. 

"Ray's right. Hobbies are good. Do you have any?" Nate asked, getting distracted. 

"I bet she's into knitting and reading." Ray said before turning to face Ava, "are you?" He asked.

Ava blushed, "well, I—"

"Wait! Knitting? How do you do that without getting hand cramps?" Nate interrupted, frowning in thought. 

"You do realize that knitters take breaks, right? They normally don't just sit there all day doing it." Zari chimed in, tempted to go make Gideon fabricate some donuts for her to snack on. 

"Oh... true." Nate agreed before looking at Ava earnestly. 

"I... don't knit. I used to as a ch—" she stopped herself, remembering that she never knitted as a child because she'd never been a child. All of those memories were fabricated. She frowned deeply, bringing her hands in front of her to fiddle with the cuffs of her blazer. "I don't knit. I do read, though." She finished, her voice much weaker now. 

"Okay, how about we give Sara and Ava some space?" Amaya spoke up. She was very intuitive, and she could tell that Ava was barely holding herself together. She knew that the agent wouldn't want to break down in front of the whole team, only with Sara. 

"What, why?" Ray frowned. 

"Because she's clearly upset and she's not going to talk about it while we're here." Zari said in a 'duh' sort of tone. 

Ray frowned and looked at Ava more intently, seeing that she was indeed not okay. "Oh... okay. Sorry." He apologized. 

Ava shook her head, "no, don't. You didn't do anything wrong. Honestly... I'm just... I'm happy to have you all. In my life, I mean." She said, deciding that she would blame this moment of sentimentality on the fact that she was having an existential crisis and could barely think straight. 

"Aww, back at ya!" Nate said and smiled, going to give Ava a hug with Ray joining in. Ava chuckled tearfully, hugging both men back before letting go and watching them leave the room. 

Zari's stomach grumbled and she said, "you aren't that bad. Except that one time you programmed Gideon to not be able to make me donuts."

Ava smiled lightly, "yeah well... it was so you didn't eat them all day long. It's not healthy for you." She said, and Sara just watched this exchange with a smile on her face. Ava had started to become sort of like them in a way, and it was clear how much she cared about them and was protective of them, even if she didn't show it much. 

Zari rolled her eyes, a hint of mirth on her face, "okay, mom number two." She said, chuckling when the nickname made both Sara and Ava blush. She left the room and went straight to the galley, unable to stop herself from fabricating some donuts. 

Amaya looked at Ava for a few seconds before saying, "I know we aren't that close but... if you ever need to talk, I'm here." She, like the other Legends, could see how happy Ava made Sara. She could tell that they were hopelessly in love with each other but too afraid to say it. She had an ongoing bet with Zari right now; if Ava kissed Sara first, Zari owed Amaya $20, but if Sara kissed Ava first, Amaya would Zari $20. So, for both their sake and her own, Amaya was hoping that someone (mainly Ava) would make the first move already. 

Ava smiled and nodded, "thank you." She whispered, the simple reassurances meant the world to her. She watched Amaya leave before she looked at Mick, the last team member there besides Sara. Mick stood up with a small grunt and said, "life sucks. Want a beer?" He pulled an unopened beer out of his jacket pocket and held it out to Ava. Mick was a man of few words, and he hated sharing his beer with anyone. So, Ava knew by this gesture that he cared in his own way. 

She smiled and took the beer, "thanks, Mick." She said, calling him by his first name instead of 'Mr. Rory' like she usually did. Mick grumbled and tipped his beer in her direction before taking a swig of it and walking out of the room, leaving the two blondes alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what did you think? Admittedly, I was a bit nervous about posting this since I’ve never written Mick, Amaya, or Ray before, so I hope their characterization was adequate. I’ll post the third chapter tomorrow. Comment your thoughts?


	3. 'cause i’m a sinking ship that's burning, so let go of my hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! This is the third and final chapter with heavy Avalance. I hope you all enjoy :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song that the title and chapters are based off of is ‘Half a Man’ by Dean Lewis, if you were wondering. Enjoy!

"So..." Sara said, wanting to know what was going on with Ava without pushing her too much to talk. 

"So." Ava repeated and chuckled, a chuckle that quickly morphed into soft sobs, the anguish she'd earlier been feeling coming back full force. 

Sara frowned, "Ava..." She bit her lip and said, "how about we go somewhere with more privacy?" She suggested. 

Ava nodded silently, not being able to speak. She just picked up her briefcase and tried her best to muffle her sobs with her free hand as Sara led her to her office, closing the door behind them. 

The sight of Ava trying her hardest to stifle her sobs into almost silent breaths broke Sara's heart. She wondered what could've happened to make Ava feel this... broken? Lost? She didn't know. All she knew was that she wanted to help make Ava feel better. 

Ava walked over and sat down on the couch, pulling her knees up to her chest, gathering her thoughts. As she did this, Sara sat down next to her. She left enough distance for Ava to not feel smothered, but for her to also not feel alone. 

After a few minutes of Sara being patient and Ava trying to stop crying, Ava finally spoke, "everything that I knew about myself was a lie... I was in Rip's office and I saw some files. I know I shouldn't have looked at them... but they had my name on them so I couldn't help but be curious. They... I'm... the files..." she couldn't seem to get out any more words. She just put the briefcase on Sara's lap and said, "see for yourself."

Sara nodded and held her breath, prepared for anything. She opened the briefcase. She looked confused as she quickly skimmed through the files, trying her best to school her features. She thought she'd seen everything, what with dark magic, time travel, and metahumans. She'd never thought about clones existing. It made sense, but it was never something she put much thought into. 

Once she was done reading them, she looked up at Ava and saw the other woman quickly wiping away her tears, saw that the rise and fall of her chest was quicker than normal, and saw the look of unadulterated fear in her eyes. It was then that Sara realized why Ava was afraid, she was afraid of what Sara would think of her now. 

She put the files and briefcase aside and sighed, "god, Ava I..." she trailed off, what was she supposed to say? 'I'm sorry most of your life was a lie and that your memories before a few weeks ago are fake'?

"How are you feeling about this?" Sara settled on, wanting to know how Ava felt so that she would know how to comfort her. 

"I feel devastated... betrayed... disgusted with myself. With who I am... what I am. I feel insignificant... I'm one of thousands. I was grown in a lab for god's sake... I'm nothing more than a science experiment. How are you... how can you even look at me the same now that you know what I am?" Ava rambled, having to pause in between sentences when her sobs made it hard for her to speak. 

Sara nodded. "I understand why you feel this way. I... can't even imagine how this feels for you and I'm not going to say that I do. Because I don't. You should take all the time you need to process this, and I'll be there with you as much or as little as you want me to be. But, Aves, you being a clone doesn't change how I feel about you." Her voice lowered to a soft whisper at the last sentence. 

Ava was speechless. "How you... feel about me?" She asked, confused. Sure, part of her knew that Sara liked her, but that was before she knew she was a clone. Before she knew that she was one of thousands. How could Sara still feel this way about her now?

"Yeah... I've... I have feelings for you. Mushy, scary feelings. I have for awhile now... and I thought you felt the same but I didn't want to ruin what we had by telling you." Sara explained, reaching her hand out and putting it palm up next to Ava, not touching her but giving the agent a chance to hold her hand if she needed to. 

Ava looked at her hand for a few seconds before she slowly took it in her own, lacing their fingers together. "This is... a lot. I don't know what to say." She admitted, she couldn't process all of this. 

Sara nodded, "I understand. We don't have to talk about... us. We can whenever you're ready." She said, she could see how Ava learning her whole life is a lie and then finding out that Sara liked her was too much information to take in at once. 

Ava's eyes scanned Sara's face, wanting to check to make sure Sara was actually okay with them not starting something right now, and that she wasn't just saying it to make Ava happy. She sighed in relief when she could tell that Sara was being genuine. She slowly scooted closer to her and tightened her grip on her hand. 

"What do I do now?" Ava asked after a minute of silence, needing advice. She truly didn't know what to do next. She'd never been in a situation like this, and finding something unexpected about oneself was not as easy or entertaining as it looked in the movies. 

"Well... I think you should stay here for today. We don't have any major anachronisms to fix so we basically have the day off. It's never good to be alone during these things. I think when you're ready you should email Rip about taking a break... and then give me the permission to kick his ass." Sara finished, serious about everything she had said. 

Of course she respected Rip as a person, but she didn't think what he'd been doing with the AVAs was okay and she wasn't happy that Ava had to find out about her origin like this; by accident and unexpectedly instead of being told about it by Rip when she was first activated.

"Sara... you can't do that." Ava said, a hint of a real smile on her lips. "Besides, he doesn't know I know and I don't want him knowing yet. If he does... he might try to manipulate the situation or try to memory flash me. I want to know more about my origins before Rip knows I know." She said, hoping Sara would understand. 

"Of course. I get it. But... when you tell him, I want to be there to kick his ass if he says something offensive or tries to justify what he did." Sara said and squeezed Ava's hand, watching Ava put her unopened beer on the ground. It was a nice gesture from Mick, but Ava didn't feel like drinking at the moment. 

"Okay, deal." Ava agreed, getting lost in the oceanic depth of Sara's eyes, for a moment feeling like everything was going to be okay. Sara always had a way of reassuring Ava, she knew what made Ava feel better and how to comfort her. "You know... when I first found out, I was worried that it wasn't... that it wasn't me when we first met." She tried to explain. 

Sara understood instantly. "And... was it you?" She asked, trying to keep the nerves out of her voice. She didn't know how she'd feel if the Ava she'd originally met wasn't the Ava sitting next to her. 

"It was. I was... I was activated a couple days before we met." Ava said and sniffled, still hating that word. 

Apparently Sara felt the same because when she heard it, her nose scrunched up in distaste. She shook her head, forcing that feeling away. She could focus later on just how fucked up the clone situation was. Right now, she needed to be there for Ava. 

"I wish I could help more..." Sara admitted, feeling guilty that she wasn't able to make Ava feel much better. 

Ava shook her head, "you've helped a lot. I was just... I was so scared of what you'd think of me when I told you, you know? I thought you... I don't know. That maybe you wouldn't feel comfortable with me anymore... knowing about my origin." She admitted softly. 

"Well, I've come back from the dead more than once, and I am the captain of a time travel ship. I've seen a lot of shit, Aves," Ava chuckled at that, "this doesn't scare me. Not at all. Because, you're still you. You're still the amazing, stubborn, beautiful woman I first met." Sara said, squeezing Ava's hand as she waited for her response. 

After thinking that over, Ava nodded, satisfied with that answer. "I want to believe you... it's just really hard." She whispered and averted her gaze. This type of thing was new for both of them. 

Sara nodded, biting her lip. She was a bit out of her depth, but she thought that she was doing a somewhat decent job at comforting Ava. She just felt grateful that she could see this side of the agent. Ava was known to be stoic, to be the last person to get overwhelmed with stress, at least visibly stressed. She knew that there was a very select few (the few actually being two, just Sara and sometimes Gary) who could see Ava this vulnerable

"I know. And... I'm not gonna say that this will go away anytime soon. But, I can say that you aren't alone. You have me, and the rest of the team, even Gary. Mick gave you his beer so that's a sign that he loves you already. They were worried about you today... and I'm sure Gary will be too when he finds out he's taking your place. The point is, you have people who can be there with you through this, if you want. It's up to you, Aves. I want you do to what will make you happiest, not what will please other people."

Ava nodded and sighed. "I want this to stay between us for now. But, I want to tell the rest of the Legends one day. Just not now." She decided on, looking into Sara's eyes. "Thank you for... being here. For listening to me cry and for saying the right things... you always know just what to say." She smiled, blushing. 

Sara smiled. "You don't have to thank me, Aves. I want to be there for you through this... you deserve that. I'm just glad you told me what was going on because I was getting worried." 

Ava sighed again, feeling so exhausted that she could fall asleep sitting upright on that couch. 

"Captain Lance, Miss Sharpe, would you like me to fabricate a mild sedative to help induce a dreamless sleep?" Gideon said, she was starting to get a soft spot for Ava. Well, whatever kind of soft spot an A.I. could be capable of having. 

Ava nodded. "Yes please. Thank you, Gideon." She smiled briefly at the ceiling before yawning, "I can sleep here." She said mid-yawn, gesturing toward the couch they were currently sitting on. 

Sara looked scandalized. "Absolutely not! You're going to sleep in a bed, either mine or Jax's." She said, she wouldn't let Ava sleep on this stiff couch. She would sleep on it if need be, as long as Ava got a peaceful night's rest in a bed. 

"Okay... yours?" Ava asked shyly and groaned as she put her feet on the ground, standing up. Her long legs were stiff from having them bent for so long. 

"Yeah, of course." Sara smiled and stood up, holding her hand out for Ava to take, wanting to lead her to the bedroom. "Do you want to borrow some pajamas of mine?" She asked, putting the files into the briefcase, not knowing what to do with it. 

Ava bit her lip, eyeing the briefcase, before she picked it up and hid it under Sara's desk, not wanting to deal with it anymore for today. "Yeah, sure. If I can fit into them." She giggled quietly, taking Sara's hand and allowing herself to be taken out of the office and guided toward Sara's quarters. 

"I'm sure they'll fit fine." Sara said and rolled her eyes, making Ava giggle again. Sara grinned. She'd missed hearing that sound from Ava. 

"Yeah, right. You're, what? 5'4" on a good day?" Ava teased, her eyes regaining some of the familiar spark they usually had. Sara looked offended. "5'4"? I'll have you know I'm 5'6", sometimes 5'7"." She said and grinned, walking into her quarters before closing the door behind them. 

"5'7" is pushing it and you know it." Ava said as Sara handed her some pajamas. She snickered when Sara went into the closet to change into her own pajamas, giving Ava some privacy. She changed into Sara's soft pajamas, the pants that were meant to reach one's ankles stopped at Ava's calves. The shirt she was wearing was luckily one of Sara's baggy sweatshirts and fit nicely. 

Sara went to get the sedative from Gideon before helping Ava onto the bed, showing her the needle with the sedative in it. "Do you want to do it?" She asked, biting her lip. 

"No... too tired. You do it." Ava whispered, her eyes struggling to stay open. She barely felt it when Sara injected the sedative into her. The world felt distant and foggy for a moment.

She was vaguely aware of strong hands tucking her in and her hair being taken out of the ponytail. The last thing she felt was soft fingers running through her hair, smoothing through the tangles, before everything went black and Ava fell into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what did you think? This was the last chapter of this fic but I have another one written and many more ideas for upcoming fics, Comment your thoughts? :)
> 
> EDIT: I didn’t make Sara and Ava fully get together because I thought it would be unrealistic for Ava to dive right into a relationship right after she found out she was a clone.
> 
> Also, if you want to see me scream about Avalance, here's my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/softiesharpie) :)


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